This surely is a beautiful world. It’s surrounded by many people with different feelings and emotions, but my heart is looking for you. I have been thinking if I can find the love I am looking for? Can I get all the happiness I want in my life? Questions like this always trigger me.
Well, life hasn’t always been easy when I think about the definition of love. It doesn’t seem easy to build a relationship with someone worth spending quality time with. But, a strong relationship requires contact, effort, time, compatibility to nurture to its utmost level. I have always dreamed of finding someone I can love throughout my life. Someone, I can share everything with, including feelings, emotions, happiness and sadness, and create beautiful memories together.
I was 19 years old when I got into a relationship. That was the first time I felt completely different and happy. Every moment we spent together was memorable. We made good memories together by hanging out in various places and spending quality time laughing and enjoying the moment together. Some of them that come to my mind are the early morning texts, late-night phone calls, silly jokes, pranks, and so on. I hope you remember these cute little things too.
Time will never be the same… and things don’t always go our way. A few years later, the excitement we once had, the feeling we once shared, and the happiness we once felt began to fade away. I adore you and loved you to the core. But, instead of loving me, you hurt me. I once felt the agony of being ignored by you. You didn’t have time to talk or spend with me. I used to have a sleepless night when everything changed, hugging my pillow and crying, always thinking about the things we did together in the past.
The story I lived in is an experience that I had to face. I used to think about him every day, thinking about how to make him happy and keep him with me forever, but unfortunately, the feeling wasn’t mutual. He started to ignore me completely and started rejecting my calls.
Slowly everything started to change. Late replies, unanswered calls, ignoring feeling and vandalizing my affection changed me little by little. Before I knew it, nothing was the same as before. He decided to cut me off and break my heart. When he started to get away from my love, I realized that no matter what I did or how much I gave him, it will never be enough, never will. Gradually, I lost my love for him. I did not suddenly lose my feelings for him. But, it was a gradual process, I lost it bit by bit until finally, it disappeared completely. I lost the essence of who I am, which made me wonder how I fell in love with him in the first place. Was that really what I deserve?
I think there is no answer to this question, I have always dreamed of loving someone who can love me like me. Not everyone is lucky to get everything in their life. Over time, I realized that I was never important to him and that this was not the feeling that I deserved. I am a truly genuine person and I deserve love and care. I am tired of waiting to accept the love that I seek. On the contrary, I realized that I should get happiness, not pain, I should receive love, not just give, it should be a priority instead of choice. I am who I am and I cannot change for others. If that person doesn’t treat me well, it’s not my fault. The fault was in him, he did not realize my love.
The time has come, I need to realize that I need to love myself more, explore my interests, and become the person I want to be in my life. Instead of waiting for someone else’s words, do something that makes your soul happy, remembering yourself that you deserve to be happy. Self-love is very important, everything starts with you. Therefore, I will love myself first, and one day I will be happier and more worthy of being valued. I am standing here, strong enough to make all the pain I have suffered disappear because I believe that everything in our lives has a reason. One day you will allow someone to be your person because you serve better. Thank you for teaching me to love myself first.
Also read: Confession #101